Yesterday I discovered that I am an unsecured creditor and the company I have been dealing with has indeed gone bust.I have every sympathy with the hundred of workers now without a job.
But I too might be without a job, or a house, or anything.
Compared to some, like the millions that were owed to the banks (sob) my debt is very small. But to me it is not small.
What really angers me is that all through December I was constantly being told that payment would be made and so I continued housing their employees and feeding them and keeping them warm etc.etc. Mike digging out the drive, daily, so they could return here safely. Right up to Christmas I was told this and indeed the men were booked in for this week, so I turned other bookings away. Surely this is fraud? They must have known they were never going to pay me?
Yesterday, following the phone conversation with the receivers, I reeled around fighting a splitting head ache. Find me a hole to crawl into was all I asked.
Today I girded up me loins.
Youngest daughter is with us for a few days and I felt really sorry for her landing here when dear old Mum was truly in the depths. She went off with Mike for the day to bird watch, only to find the road they wanted to go up was closed. But they saw deer, kites, and a crossbill, so not a total waste of a day.
I never stopped all day. Cleaning, tidying, sorting. Even looked at the bank details. .... Although I did do that through half closed eyes and sat way back from the computer screen as if it was going to come out and hit me!
The sad thing is my trust in human nature is severely damaged. And no matter how much I do to try and make things around me be sorted, and clean, and tidy, I hurt.
But the one thing I am also is an optimist, havent quite lost that part of me yet, along with the failing eyesight and memory, ever an optimist.
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